I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
