I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
