He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
