dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
