It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
