Do vagina's smell?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
