It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
