I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
