butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
