spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
