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I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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