I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
