its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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