tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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