youre lurking in front of me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
