Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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