After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
