How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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