Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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