So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
