he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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