adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
