ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
