I must be too annoying 4 u.
i love accidental penises.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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