you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
