Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
