I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
