she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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