Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
