remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
