wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
