I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
