dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
