how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want nice things and good sex
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
