I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
