Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
