Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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