Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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