i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
