Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
