No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
