i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
