I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
