Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
