1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
