u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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