This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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