Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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