he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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