so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
