Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Less talking, more tequila
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
