eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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