I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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