A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
